Saturday, April 17, 2010

Change

' X is equals to 5 if Y is equals to.....'

Mr. Anthanran writes on the board with a piece of white chalk, 'Jack, would you be so kind as to solve this for us?' he eyes me with a grin.

I snap out of my bewildered thoughts. Damn, I stood up from my seat and make my way to the black board. He hands me the chalk, I bet he thinks that I won't be able to solve this. Lucky me, I'm the only one that can solve this, or so I thought.

I gape at the flat board and ponder for a while as the rest of the class look on. I start to write, slowly and crave the answers leaving a white residue.

Suddenly, I stop and turn around,' I don't know how to do this.' I place the chalk on the teacher's desk and head back to my seat. ' Does anyone else know how to do this?' Mr. Anthanran asks. Everyone stares at him as if he was speaking in some foreign language. He smiles but we all know that he is disappointed, and faces the black board to finish off where I left off.

So sudden, everything we seize to know changes in front of our very eyes. Its sickening, revolting and I hate it when that happens. I am pitifully subject to it, and the thought of it frightens me down to the core. We won't leave you they say, but in the end, don't they all?

Friends, what makes you a friend?

I don't know, I thought if you gave your heart to them, sacrificed for them, you're a friend.

I was wrong, I was- AM a tool, not a friend, just a god damn tool for use.


' Why didn't you finish it lah?' Choong asks me as I decline towards my chair. I look at him, ' I don't know how to do it, okay?' He doesn't make a sound and nods silently. I assume he knows I'm not in a good mood. The lesson goes on as usual, the bell rings, the teacher leaves, the silence breaks and the class turns into a chamber of noise.

I sit on my desk, the thoughts come rolling in like a tidal wave. I lean back on the chair and look around to try to clear my head of lucid imagery. Groups, split and divided around the whole class. Football fanatics below the first ceiling fan, popular gang over by the seat next to the door, nerds right in front of the teacher's desk. There is nothing in common over by everyone's dispute, though everyone wants something. It is the same something that runs over everyone's mind, something I had.

'Jack, do me a favor will ya'?' I hear someone calling me. I turn to see Tan looking at me, his hands holding a pen and a paper. 'I don't know how to do this, show me?' he places the writing utensils on the table and leans over as if he were an ostrich. I hold the pencil, glance the question and start to write the answer down. I finish it, he picks up what he brought and leaves. 'Thanks.' is all he says.

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